WIPCS is a free, caring, confidential support service for anyone in the Western Isles experiencing any kind of pregnancy-related distress, including miscarriage, stillbirth, infertility, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, scan anomalies, unintended pregnancy, post-abortion stress, and so on.
Anyone going through any of these hard things, is suffering under a huge amount of emotional pressure. It can be a lonely experience, when those around you don’t know how to relate. Where do you turn?
I was recently persuaded to invest in an electric pressure cooker. Enticingly advertised as having so many benefits, not only does it save electricity as it’s quicker than conventional cooking, but it also preserves the nutrients, making the food healthier and tastier. Win, win.
Needless to say, it’s essential to follow the pressure cooker instructions and recipes very carefully, as the timing is crucial to not over-cook, or under-cook, your food. However, the following warning caught my eye, and makes me nervous.
“It cannot cook your food properly without water, and the pressure will build to such an extent that the lid, pressure valve, plugs and hot food could be thrown all over the kitchen.”
In other words, there could be an almighty explosion and a disastrous mess, not to mention property damage and possible injury to anyone standing in the wrong place at the wrong time. Including the dog.
HANDLE WITH CARE should be emblazoned in big bold letters where it can’t be missed. If you’re like me, you’re unlikely to read the instruction manual until you find yourself trying to figure out what went wrong. Hmmm, lesson number one.
That got me thinking. As humans we can be a bit like that pressure cooker. Handled with care, and when all is running smoothly, it’s all good. But when trouble comes our way, as it inevitably does, the care and support we receive – or lack of it – can make a big difference to the outcome.
I remember a client who came to our service after going to his GP with “anger issues”. He was frightening himself, not to mention his girlfriend with his unpredictable outbursts. Things came to a head when he injured himself by punching through a wall. He felt scared and out of control, and had no idea what was wrong.
The GP was discussing the possibility of an anger management course, when suddenly the young man confided that his girlfriend had recently had an abortion, and could that be related to his change in behaviour? His girlfriend was already coming to us to work through her post-abortion grief.
The GP suggested that he make enquiries with us and see how it would go. This couple attended separately until their final session, which they did together. They left in a much better place, both emotionally and stronger in their relationship. They were convinced that without the help they received, their relationship would not have survived the stress.
So what was causing the angry outbursts? If they were frightening, why couldn’t he just stop, take a breath, and calm himself down? Surely anger is a choice? Or is it an emotion in itself, over which we have no control?
I believe that anger is a warning sign that all is not well. Like the pressure cooker, under the lid is a mix of ingredients. Sadness, worry, guilt, shame, confusion, hurt, fear, suspicion. All simmering away, building up heat, threatening to explode into one big mess.
Unless the pressure is given a release. It needs to vent, in a controlled manner. Carefully handled, with compassion and kindness, these emotions can be safely examined and worked through. Before they erupt. Like the pressure cooker, the steam has to go somewhere or the lid will fly off. The damage can be catastrophic. But it doesn’t have to end that way.
The pressure cooker of grief. A mix of powerful emotions which threaten to overwhelm. Too much to handle. Where do you turn?
If I can offer some advice, please don’t wait until it’s too late. We’re here to help you navigate these uncharted, stormy waters.
We’re trained to release that valve safely and support you through the toughest of times. There’s too much at stake to ignore the warning signs. Be brave – get in touch.
Our service is free, confidential, caring. Make the call. You won’t regret it.
